The Woman Who Lost Herself (And How She Finds Her Way Back)

There's a conversation I keep having with women in their Wise Woman season. It usually starts quietly, almost whispered, like a secret they're afraid to say out loud.

"I don't know who I am anymore."

Just last month, I sat with a beautiful woman who had spent years in a relationship that slowly, so slowly she didn't even notice at first, pulled her away from her spiritual work, her business, her very essence. Maybe you know this story. Maybe you've lived it.

She's grieving now - not just the end of the relationship, but the dream of what she wanted it to be. She's carrying so much blame, asking herself over and over, "How did I allow myself to stay in it for so long? How did I lose myself so completely?"

And here's what I told her, what I tell every woman who finds herself in this place:

Sister, losing yourself was never a character flaw. It was conditioning.

From the time we were little girls, we were taught that our needs come last. That keeping the peace matters more than keeping our voice. That love means sacrificing who we are, dimming our light so others can shine brighter.

We learned to shapeshift - to become what others needed us to be. The perfect wife, the devoted mother, the reliable friend, the accommodating partner. And somewhere along the way, we forgot that underneath all those roles, there was always a woman with her own dreams, her own knowing, her own sacred purpose.

But here's what I've discovered in my 30+ years of shamanic work, and especially through walking this path myself - a 9-year marriage with a controlling husband, then losing myself again in a nearly 5-year relationship with a narcissist. I know intimately what it feels like to wake up one day and not recognize the woman in the mirror.

I know what it's like to have to find your way back from that place - bringing me from silence to now being a voice medicine practitioner. And what is important to know:

This forgetting? It's not permanent. This losing yourself? It's not final.

Because you were never actually lost. You were just buried under layers of conditioning, under years of being told your voice didn't matter as much as everyone else's comfort.

And this season of your life - this Wise Woman time - this is exactly when we excavate. When we dig through all those layers and remember who we have always been and who we now have become from the wisdom we have acquired from all these lived experiences.

We need sacred space to grieve - yes, grieve for the years we gave away, the dreams we put on hold. We need space to rage - at the conditioning, at the systems that taught us we were fundamentally flawed. We need space to remember - who we were before the world told us who we should be. And we need space to rise again into the fullness of who we've always been.

This is the Sacred Return. This is what happens when women in their Wise Woman season finally say, "Enough. I'm ready to remember who I am."

If this story is landing in your heart, if you're nodding and thinking "Yes, this is me," then I want you to know something: Your transformation doesn't have to wait. Your Sacred Return can begin right now.

"Who Am I Now? - Discovering Your Renewed Purpose in Midlife" is where we begin this journey together. This virtual workshop, rooted in the ancient wisdom of Aloha Lokahi, living in love, unity, positivity, self-acceptance and truth, isn't just a 90-minute experience. It's the threshold to remembering who you've always been and stepping into your Wise Woman season with clarity, confidence, and renewed purpose.

Join me for this transformational workshop: Thursday, September 25, 7-8:30pm via Zoom

This is where your Sacred Return begins. Where you stop analyzing why you lost yourself and start remembering who you've always been underneath it all. Where you begin weaving the wisdom of all your experiences - even the painful ones - into the foundation of your renewed purpose.

Your voice matters. Your dreams matter. Your truth matters. And this season of your life? It's not about becoming someone new. It's about remembering who you've always been and finally, finally giving her permission to rise.

If your soul is whispering "yes," this is your invitation to join us.

Register at: theheartofaloha.com/service-page/who-am-i-now

In Aloha!

Kaleo