Friday's Letters (Vol. 1)

Dear Iced-Venti-Green-Tea: I am working on self-control, which is why I have limited my intake of your refreshing goodness; I'm thinking twice a week is plenty.

Dear Blogger: I fought tooth and nail to hang onto the old interface, but you won. I'm really struggling with the new layout. WHERE IS EVERYTHING?

Dear September: No offense, but you were especially hard on me this year and I'm sort of ready to say goodbye to you and usher in a new month. But thank you for bringing slightly cooler temperatures to remind us that Fall is here. I forgive you.

Dear Random Guy in the Grocery Store: it is absolutely NOT ok that you decide to blow a snot-rocket in the middle of the bread aisle. I'm sure your wife would agree at its level of repugnance had her back not been turned. Let's work on keeping it classy, ok?

Dear Humpback Whales of Maui: Welcome back, I have missed you! I cannot wait to get closer to you later on this season.

Dear Beth Moore: I am loving your bible study and I think I love you, too. Please come speak on Maui so I can meet you and hug you. It would make my day.

Dear Grace: I'm sorry about the new hairball medication that smells of maple syrup that we have been force-feeding you. It is a necessary evil, because hour-long hairball-wretching episodes at 3:00 a.m. are not good.

Dear Dreams: You are not dead. I've only been on break.

Dear Husband: Thank you, thank you, thank you for your patience with me this month and letting me move through this funk at my own pace. I love you so much.

Dear Blog Friends: Remember me? I've been quiet over here, but ready to get back in the swing of it. I've missed you.

Saturday

I'm not a morning person (AT.ALL.), but Phil really wanted to make a trip to the Upcountry Farmer's Market this morning, and being the rock-star wife that I am, I set the alarm for a 6:00am wake-up call. On a Saturday morning (which really pains me to type). We got ready in record time, Hubs' brewed us some coffee and we were out of the house by 6:50am. I was quite impressed, if I do say so myself.

Strolling in the early morning sunshine with a cup of coffee in one hand and my husband's hand in the other? Well, that's just Simple Joy # 894,571. I love little moments like these; it makes waking up early on a Saturday morning just a little more tolerable. We perused the booths, made our choices and stocked up on colorful produce and freshly cut flowers that, although they scream Welcome, Fall!, they still have a little bit of an island-twist, with unique proteas in bright shades of yellow and orange.

We've been home for over an hour, I'm sitting at the kitchen table blogging while Phil is working on a commissioned video edit and it's only 9:30am. That's the cool thing about actually waking up at a respectable hour on a weekend; you have so much of the day ahead of you.

Our plans for today include a little beach time, a trip into town (I love that our country living allows me to say that: "...into town"), and then prepping the house to have our friends over for dinner tonight. A mellow kind of day, which feels perfect on this first day of fall.

* * *

Unrelated, I've been feeling a little hermit-ish as of late. As ridiculous as this may sound, I think a lot of it has to do with the change of seasons; despite the blue skies and warm sunshine, my internal clock is on high-alert now that the sun is setting earlier, and I'm feeling a hodge-podge of things that are pretty standard for me this time of year: nostalgia, comfort, renewal and a blissful sense of quiet in my soul. Most days I want to curl my fingers around a piping hot mug of coffee or tea and settle in with a good book next to a burning candle with a name like Autumn Sunshine or Fall Harvest, while listening to white-noise of the rain outside.

I really, really love this time of year.

And it being the first day of fall and all, I'm already thinking of new boots, despite the fact that I live on a tropical island. Is that wrong?

Happy Weekend-ing.

Weekly Be-Happy-Tudes (Vol. 17)

It's been a week since my last post. The control-freak in me is in complete disarray over this fact, but the quiet girl in the background giving the double chest-thump is mouthing the words: just let it go. And so I will. After all, there are far bigger things in life to direct my energy towards than a few unplanned days-off from the blog world. The earth still spins, the sun still rises and sets, and that is enough for me.

It has only been a week, but a lot is happening in our neck of the woods; it has been seven long, soul-searching days laced with hours of heartfelt and life-changing conversation with family and friends. I'm deep in a season of change and while it has been uncomfortable, scary and downright painful at times, it is necessary for growth, and I know I'll be ok.

* * *

It's been a good week, nonetheless. I've so much to be thankful for; our life is filled with so many blessings and little treasures that it is almost impossible to feel anything but gratitude. At least once a day - every day - I am humbled and speechless by something that brings me joy...utter and complete joy. On the surface, I might be having a wretched day (and make no mistake - I have), but at my core? Life is GOOD.

This week, I am happy and grateful for:

...Starbucks Pumpkin Spiced Lattes. I had my first one of the season this evening and Holy Fall. One sip in, and I'm thinking cable-knit sweaters, boots and crunchy leaves. It isn't the same for us islanders of course, so I will have to live vicariously through all of you. Please do not disappoint me. ;)

...Date Night (twice!) with Phil. It's not that often that we will have back-to-back dates that include a cocktail and dinner out, so it was nice to have some uninterrupted time with one another. Phil has had some atrocious work hours as of late; as much as I try to be supportive, sometimes it takes its toll and I just crack (read: I cry). Having this time together, just us, has been SO good for me, for us and our marriage.

...amazing sunsets. The last few nights have brought us some unfathomable sunsets; sunsets that command silence as you turn your face up towards a sky burning a hundred shades of orange, yellow and pink.

...dinner with friends. Love my girl, Caprice.

...my church family. What God is doing in my heart and my life these days warrants a post all its own, but suffice it to say, this is what I am MOST grateful for. Every day, I realize something new. And every day, I am amazed by how much I am loved.

...rest. I've had some late nights recently (staying up until 3:00am - ouch), so crawling into a bed of cool sheets and fuzzy blankets is pure and simple bliss.

And speaking of cool sheets and fuzzy blankets, they're calling.

Goodnight, friends.

Bitten.

Kiting.

It's all I can think about.

I'm in the pupa stage of flying, sure, but oh, wow...once you get a taste, you can only imagine that it just gets better and better.

Phil has been kiting for years; it is his job after all, and it is the very reason that brought us out here to Maui to begin with. He spends so much time out on the water that I'm certain the boy has grown gills; for every moment in our marriage that I have complained or whined about his obsession with the sport and the time it takes away from "us", I'm suddenly getting a taste of what he has spent the last seven years trying to explain to me.

I think I'm slowly beginning to understand.

But ssshhh, don't tell him that. ;)

Give and Take

It's been one of those weekends. A haphazard mixture of highs and lows, but balanced enough so that I was neither face down in the dirt nor head high in the clouds; just front and center. Admittedly, the last 72-hours have been peppered with equal parts tears (if you've been reading my blog for more than ten minutes, this should not surprise you) and side-splitting laughter. And today, there was even a five-minute window at the beach where I almost danced at the shoreline.

If I had my way, I'd have a "Good Day" every day, but Life just isn't like that. When things are going well and I'm flying high, there is always a small part of me that is waiting for the other shoe to drop, because life just can't be this good. Then there are those gut-wrenching, soul-searching days that test you, stretch you and push you outside of your comfort-zone and beyond what you think you are capable of.

I've had a fair share of these types of days recently; they are days that reduce me to tears (it's how I cope!), but by the grace of God and the love from The Hubs, my family and close friends, I am quickly built back up again and led to think, feel, believe and choose. I seriously don't know what I would do without those amazing people in my life who listen and still love on me even when I'm frustrated and crying and venting at nearly-undecipherable high-pitched tones. Their unconditional love is a gift for which I am truly grateful.

Fortunately, there exists that one outlet that allows you to detach from the grit and the grime of reality---that temporary hall-pass that gives you a reprieve from real-life: Nature. It's a solution so easily overlooked for its simplicity, but a fail-safe way to disconnect (if only momentarily) from the every day and just hit that "reset" button.

On Sunday afternoon, Phil coaxed me to the beach. I had a long To-Do list laden with unfinished projects carried over from the previous weekend, but I reluctantly agreed to join him and put "life" on the back-burner in an effort to to just disengage and enjoy The Moment: the salty air that quickly filled my lungs, the rhythmic crest of the waves on the shoreline, the strength of the wind through my hair and the bite of the sand at my ankles.

I wound up taking a seemingly "forced" trip out on a 5-meter kite and let all worries fall to the wayside while I let the kite pull me across the water, all-the-while marveling at the sensation of being at ONE with the ocean. It was an eye-opening and soul-satisfying afternoon that quickly put things in perspective for me. Life is way too short for wasted energy...especially when you're defying all sense of reality, skimming the surface of the ocean while magestic, green sea turtles pop up beside you, taking deep breaths and filling their lungs with renewed hope before diving right back in.

Much like I found myself doing that afternoon, at that precise moment.

Happily Preoccupied

I'm all over the place today.
Happy.
Excited.
Distracted.
Hyper (thank you, Starbucks).

I'm waking up.
Discovering.
Dreaming.
Planning.
DOING.

And apparently thinking and writing in fragmented thoughts.

Life is good.

I am happily preoccupied today.

* * *

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord,
"plans to prosper you and not to harm you,
plans to give you hope and a future."
- Jeremiah 29:11

What If...?

You know how it is in the movies, when someone awakes from a nightmare, suddenly upright in bed, their heart racing and tiny beads of sweat dotting their brow? That was me last night (and in case you are wondering, waking up like that is every bit as wretched as you can imagine). With adrenaline pumping and a blood pressure reading that likely exceeded the margin of good health, I tried unsuccessfully to corral any semblance of peace and calm.

A quick glance at my phone told me that it was 1:00am and I was tucked safely in bed, not buried under case files or popping in and out of a courtroom, as was the norm in the days of my old life while working for the DA's Office.

My old life.

So much has happened since we threw caution to the wind, packed up our home and made the move out here. I think back to the day that Phil proposed the idea to me; we were taking a walk around the neighborhood, holding hands and enjoying the sunshine (some things never change). He chose his words carefully, and despite my rush to answer him with an immediate "NO"--change is scary!--we spent the next few days talking it over and through until finally, I agreed. Because at the end of the day, I trusted him.

The transition was not without its hiccups and I was homesick for a very long time, but through it all, it was the best decision we could have made for ourselves and our relationship. It was a wonderful exercise and reminder (which I think is healthy in all marriages) that we are a TEAM, and the need to rely on one another strengthened our marriage at the deepest level.

But still I wonder, what if we never moved here? What would our lives be like today?

I know that I'd likely still be buried under case files or popping in and out of courtrooms.

I know that we'd still just be dreaming.

I know that we would never have had the incredible experience of spending our first two years here living in a condo on the beach.

I know that we would not appreciate the beauty and magic of our everyday sunsets.

I know we would never know rainbows like we do today.

I know we would never have had life-changing experiences like this. Or this.

I know that this blog would never have been born.

I know that I'd still be searching for God.

* * *

Every now and then, Phil will turn to me and ask if I'm happy. If I'm good. And the answer is, emphatically, yes. I'm so happy we're here. I'm so happy that Phil had enough courage for the both of us. I'm so happy that our "What If" is "What Is".

And when Phil hears this, he smiles and says: "A happy wife makes a happy life."

Word. ;)