So, it happened.
I had not planned on writing about this, but it's something I haven't been able to shake over the last few days; after recognizing that what it really boiled down to was a bruised ego, I decided I would just acknowledge and honor these feelings of insecurity, vulnerability and the ridiculous need for approval, and then just let them go.
I've been so encouraged by your comments and your kind words of support following the recent changes here on my blog and while I fully expected the content might eventually turn away a few readers, I was not fully prepared for the sting of those who slipped away quietly, hoping to go unnoticed.
I've lost a handful of readers, Twitter and Instagram followers in the last week (and conversely gained a few - thank you, whoever you are...please say hello!). I knew this might happen, but what I didn't anticipate was that they would actually be people I already "know", and not just someone who has been following along anonymously. Ouch.
I want to be liked.
There, I said it. I feel silly and embarrassed to admit that, sure, but deep down to our core, don't we all feel that way on some level? Don't we all want to be accepted? To be liked? To be loved? To secure the approval of others? There is camaraderie and solidarity that exists in the safety of numbers.
Sometimes I find that the head and the heart don't always work together; there is a constant battle between the two. In this case, my head is telling me that it's okay that someone disagrees with me or that we have a difference of opinion...but my heart is saying, "...but please still like me!" (I'm a work in progress...and I've got a lot to learn).
I'm trying to remind myself that somewhere behind shiny exteriors and shields of confidence in even the best of us, we are ALL insecure and vulnerable to some degree. And why wouldn't we be? We're humans, not robots. The key to this, however, is remembering that we are not defined by what others may or may not think of us; we are not defined by our audience---who does or doesn't read our blogs or follow us on every social-media platform available. If someone decides it's time to move on in real-life or over the internet? It's okay.
Not everyone will like me. Not everyone will agree with or support whatever it is I choose to write about and publish. Not everyone will be interested in what I have to say.
All I can do is be the best (and most authentic) version of me that there is.
What has changed that you're losing readers!? I sure love your blog. I know exactly how you feel, it really stung when I started losing readers when I opened up about my dad on my blog...but at the end of the day I want my readers here for me because they support me for me and are interesting in reading my blog no matter what. Chin up, you're beautiful and so is every thing you do!
ReplyDeleteDon't let numbers define you, my sweet friend!
ReplyDeleteI took an unannounced break from blogging and list a quarter of my followers - even though I only decided to start up again recently (so recently that I have yet to post again), seeing that number drop weighed so heavily on me.
Blog and twitter and insta followers are important: each one is someone who has chosen to let you share your life - focus on who bastard and joined you rather than those who have turned away :)
WHO HAS STAYED, not "bastard" oh my word.
ReplyDeleteLOL! don't you just love the auto-correct? - sorry to laugh but thought that was very funny!
DeleteHAHA! :)
DeleteOuch! It truly hurts especially when it's someone you know, and least expect would unfollow, who would unfollow. I encourage you to keep writing, keep blogging, the way you usually do and some (many or most) will come back. It's not easily to be vulnerable ... but in the long run it is better. Be encouraged - you are a talented writer, a storyteller, a blogger and an artist - let those qualities shine, use your gifts and others will be blessed and new friends will come too. I am glad you write this post to reach out and let those who unfollowed know what you feel. Change is sometimes hard for people but eventually people adapts ... Aloha ....
ReplyDeleteI applaud you for keeping it real! I totally understand the fear you're facing, but you're doing a great thing in sharing this new stage of your life! God is too good to be a concealed "topic" on our blogs, right? =) I'm 100% sure He has already used this blog for His glory and will continue to do so... and yes, you'll lose some readers, but you'll gain so many more! And at the end of the day, the numbers mean nothing... I understand how you feel. I've battled the same thing with my blog, but I've chosen to keep it real despite however many readers/friends I may be missing out on. Be encouraged! You are SO not alone!
ReplyDeleteI just had a thought - you changed your URL right? It might be a technically issue instead if peeps unfollowing you by choice ... Changes in URL always produces technical glitches ...at least in my experience it does and I have lost followers, ranking went down, etc., etc. It can be a co-incidence because you changed your blog URL at the same you posted the change in your life :) Either way .... I just thought I'd mention this too.
ReplyDeleteI'm still here following along gorgeous! Just be who you are and those who adore you will be here with you as well! To me it seems sort of shallow for people to not follow along just because you have turned your blog into something more and sharing that with others. I agree with Becky - "numbers mean nothing!" - Perfectly said. :)
ReplyDeleteHello, friend! Thank you so much for saying hello! I've missed you! How are you? xoxo
DeleteHi darling Angie.
ReplyDeleteYou know, I've been silent through the transition on your blog, but I just read this and want to say that I am really happy to read about your spiritual transformation! I, myself, am not Christian, (the why of it is a loooooong story), but I am still spiritually-minded, and I appreciate people, like yourself, who declare their intentions and live their lives purposefully.
I feel that regardless of if the details of our faiths match or not, some of us in this world are trying to refine ourselves and be better people; these are the kinds of people whose lives I want to be a part of... and you're one of those people!
I share all of this because I want to encourage you and tell you that while you might have lost readership in one area, you'll surely be enriching those of us who, despite our differences, share some common goals of self-reflection and spiritual-mindedness.
Your boldness in an area you are so passionate about is infectious! I am happy to know you and I hope you take heart, my friend! You're a hundred times rad. :)
xo
L
oh angie that sucks! I know exactly how you feel about wanting to be liked by everyone as I am exactly the same. Gives me massive insecurity when people are silent or critical of me because I wonder what it is I did/am doing wrong. Now I *know* that not everyone will like you/me but personally I think that we can know and understand and constantly tell ourselves a hundred times over that "It's okay, I know that not everybody will or has to like me" and *still* want people to like us.
ReplyDeleteThe way I reason it now is that I apply that mantra only to the people who are silent/rude/critical/have left. I use it as a way of recognising and respecting that the other person and I are different and that they have chosen to go another way that is different from my path. I try really hard not to dwell on it, but it is indeed a bitter pill to swallow when you thought you had a stable friendship with someone, only to open up and have them leave like that so I send you some hugs and will just remind you it won't suck so much tomorrow and will suck less the day after that and so on.
I try not to apply it to the population at large because at the end of the day, I still want everyone to like me and I not thinking that way would involve me completely changing who I am. I like who I am so that's not going to happen, so instead I just had to decide to accept that it's okay to want that but only for everyone else/people I haven't met yet. I can't know that they won't like me until they don't, and I'm not going to give up hope/trying to make new friends - as long as you know where to draw the line between being yourself (which is good), and doing things you wouldn't normally do just to be liked by someone (which is not good).
At the end of the day we are all looking for love and acceptance, it's a lifelong search. That's why so many people love blogging, it's because of this beautiful community of loving and accepting people. Sure there are a few bad eggs in there, but by being yourself and drawing the line, it will make YOU happy and will attract all the right kind of people to this place here and to your life in general.
Also, try to stop looking at your stats! I haven't stopped altogether, but I only do it once a day or when I log in to write a post. It was REALLY hard for me, but I'm so glad that I have stopped looking now as much as I used to. Just don't worry about it, they don't mean anything at the end of the day. What matters is that you are happy with what you are putting on this space, focus on the content, and the readers will follow :)
Sometimes I picture my blog like a bubble, sometimes I float along by myself and sometimes other people and their bubbles come and merge with mine for a while. They are always welcome and I love having the company, but ultimately they might choose to go their own way forever or for a little while so you just wait for them to come back or for the next bubble/s to come your way again. Either way, focus on you and this space being an extension of YOU - not of what you think we want this space to be. We want this space to be YOU.
Stick to your guns Angie :) we still love you! xo
I always say I could care less how many people follow but around Christmas I lost a handful of them all at once and I too was upset by it...you have lots of people who love you Angie!!!!
ReplyDeleteThis is something that I struggle with not getting my feelings hurt over so I try not to look so that way I never know and honestly none of this is about the numbers. People who feel invested in your life will stick around no matter what if they are a true friend and if they aren't then you have to give yourself time to let go of them and move on.
ReplyDeleteFollowing Christ is a life of being offensive. Truth pierces the soul, calls people out, rebukes (lovingly) and some people are not ready for that.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for this post. This is my biggest struggle and weakness in my walk with Christ. There is a lot of shame when I think back to those moments when I chose human approval over professing my faith and love for my faith in Christ. Your bravery is so inspiring!! God is using you in so many ways. Thank you!! (PS I'm a new follower on Maui, and love your blog!!)
ReplyDeleteThe authentic version of you is who I have come to know and admire Angie! I've had the same thing happen with my blog. Don't change the way you write because you inspire people to open up about themselves and who they are. God is the only person you should look forward for approval from.
ReplyDeleteI never understood why people unfollow a blog because someone expresses something they maybe don't agree with. In my opinion those differences are what help us grow and learn from each other, plus it makes reading others blogs interesting. It's funny but I think the only reason I would unfollow a blog is if it became too consumed with sponsors and/or give ways.lol Your blog is great because it's so genuine and real!
ReplyDeleteMy thoughts exactly!
DeleteOh gosh...Angie I love your honesty in this post! I think no matter how old we get, we all have this deep desire to be liked. And it never stops stinging when people we like stop liking us. But I'm so thankful you're honest and real and blog about truth even if its not always popular :) Basically, you're a rockstar!
ReplyDeleteEEK! Sorry friend! :) The way I would look at it is... they're not worth it! I love your blog and definitely plan on sticking around!
ReplyDeleteI think we all get that way sometimes. I had 102 followers for a while, but I've now dropped to 100. At first I was like OH NO, WHO WAS IT?! But then I realized that my sporadic posting and non-substance posting will probably turn some people away. And that it's just something I have to deal with.
ReplyDeleteHopefully you don't lose too many more. But I understand too :)
Angie, I keep your blog on my blog roll even although it is not remotely connected to what I do. You are beautiful inside and out! Blessings, Jen.
ReplyDeleteI'm not a big commenter, usually just following along, but I just wanna affirm you in the new direction you've taken! I only regularly read.. oh.. let's see..10-ish blogs. That's it. And they're all blogs I've been reading for a year or more. Yours is one of them. I think I saw something more in your blog, even though it was not overtly 'faith' based, there was something about your kind, sweet heart that just grabbed me and made me want to keep following along. I feel like it's all been worth it, because you're gonna go where my little reading heart wants to go to, too! I look forward to reading along with you.. and you better know I'm gonna keep reading as long as you keep writing :) xx (sorry I'm not a very prolific blogger myself, but I try ;) bless you Angie! xx
ReplyDeleteOh yeah and I don't think I'm a 'follower' officially? I don't really follow anyone in that way I don't think, I just read their blogs direct on the webpage if that makes sense. I think I have like 2 followers, but I'm not sure who they are. You can see I'm a bit of a flakey blogger, but you have one more 'follower' who is unofficial :P sorry for my lack of blog-savvy :O just know you have one more friend in the blogosphere than the numbers show, hehe! x
DeleteI haven't been to your blog in some time. I see things are changing. That means your heart is changing. That means that Christ is within, and with that, change in inevitable.
ReplyDeleteI remember when He spoke that it was time to change the mess of myself I had created on my blog. When He explained that in Him there is no shame, there is no fear. And then with a click it was gone and I was left with a blank blog, a blank canvas to give way to the new creation God had made me. To be authentic in Christ means to live for Him in all aspects of life, even the virtual life I create on the world-wide-web.
As I watched my following shrink and the acceptance of others decline I sat. In fact, on some days I still sit. I sit in His presence and let Him remind me of the reason why I am here... to glorify His name in all that I do. The only approval I need is that which comes from God. The One who knit me together inside my mothers womb. His love is good and abundant.
Grace and peace to you my sister in Christ. Enjoy His yoke, for it is easy.
I haven't read blogs for awhile, but am sad to hear that you've lost readers because of the changes you've been making here! I think, even though that can hurt, that ultimately you'll be happier when you're being your more authentic self. So if some people don't want to support that, it's their loss.
ReplyDelete