UGH.
In the short span of one week, I've had two days that have worn my patience so thin, I started crying. IN PUBLIC (awesome). They were days that started out relatively stress-free but quickly spun out of control after the foreshadow of ice-breakers like the spilling of coffee all across my desk, or stepping in gum on the hot pavement because clearly, gum just randomly falls out of people's mouths. These, followed by larger incidents involving personality conflicts and To-Do lists that would rival even those of professional list-makers, have really taken their toll on me this week.
Enter Life Lesson # 87,205: Learning Patience.
It's hard, this patience thing. Having even the best of intentions and possessing efforts of astute awareness towards faithful and harmonious living sometimes aren't enough to quell the temporary satisfaction that the launch of an audible expletive provides. And I did that - I dropped F-bombs as the tears fell. It felt good for a nanosecond, but did nothing to fix what was wrong. Not that I thought it would.
Learning patience--complete patience--is something I know I will never fully master, no matter how old I am; it's funny how we can fool ourselves into believing that with age, comes some form of impervious wisdom. And these moments, the moments in life that show up as scheduled to test, stretch and challenge us, pushing the envelope towards personal growth, sometimes these lessons are delivered as delicate pearls of wisdom and other times, like violent slaps in the face.
My face is still smarting.
I'm reminded that life isn't easy and just as I am (perfectly) imperfect, others are, too. There will always be someone out there whose personality won't gel with mine. There will always be things left undone, because it is impossible to do everything and be everything to everyone, all the time. I'm human, and I'm flawed. I can only do the best that I can do, period. And I'm learning that when I have these colossal meltdowns, the best thing I can do for myself is to just take a break. Two, five, ten minutes - whatever is realistic - and just take a moment to gather my bearings and then hand it all over to Him, because it's too much for me to handle on my own. And without fail, He's always there.
Finally, I'm reminded just how lucky I am to have a partner in life who knows just what I need at just the right moment. On our way home from work last week, we'd no sooner gotten on the road when the tears came for the second time that day and the Ugly Cry ensued...and after the requisite five minutes of husband-ly, loving consolation, he knew exactly what to say that would summon a laugh, when laughing was the LAST thing I wanted to do.
He's amazing, like that.
Here's to new, crap-free days ahead. :)
Hey I second the public crying! I just did that last week but I did it in front of my Dentist and Dental Assistant...I was really embarrassed to go back for my second appointment since I had shown them the water works show lol (Now mind you they got tears because they told me I had not one but TWO cavities and I've never had a cavity in my whole 30 yrs! till now)
ReplyDeleteChin up! Patience is definitely something that takes work u are so right!
Aw *hugs* bad days are the worst, I know exactly how you feel. I am really not a patient person either (at ALL), actually everything you said sounds exactly like me! Still learning that I can't be perfect and that doing my best just has to be good enough. There are better days ahead! :)
ReplyDeleteOmgosh Angie. I know I haven't commented much lately but girlfriend I couldn't help but just say AMEN about 10 times throughout this entire post. I am so sorry to hear you are having a bad week. I feel you completely. And you want to know something crazy? I stepped in hot melted gum last week and I wanted to scream. I totally LOL'd at that part. It didn't help they were new sandals either. I think all I said was, "REALLY!????" Haha! Bottom line, you are so right. I wish I could write as beautiful as you do because everything you said is how I feel. I just can't convey it like you do. And can I just say, A freaking MEN to this? : "There will always be things left undone, because it is impossible to do everything and be everything to everyone, all the time." Best quote ever. You're not alone friend. Just take deep breaths and know that things WILL get better. Phases of life like this will teach us patience, even if we don't think so at the time. Love you.
ReplyDeleteP.s.) I totally just made part of your post my Facebook status. Thank you for this Angie. Spoke straight to my soul today.
ReplyDeleteIt says this:
A sweet friend of mine wrote something today that I wish I could say I wrote. However, I didn't, but it summarizes my thoughts and feelings perfectly:
"I'm reminded that life isn't easy and just as I am (perfectly) imperfect, others are, too. There will always be someone out there whose personality won't gel with mine. There will always be things left undone, because it is impossible to do everything and be everything to everyone, all the time. I'm human, and I'm flawed. I can only do the best that I can do, period. And I'm learning that when I have these colossal meltdowns, the best thing I can do for myself is to just take a break. Two, five, ten minutes - whatever is realistic - and just take a moment to gather my bearings and then hand it all over to Him, because it's too much for me to handle on my own. And without fail, He's always there."
A-MEN. ♥
Its like this week and last have been the major test around the globe because I'm good getting to work but the moment someone walks in, or speaks, or breathes!! my frustration and aggravation soars and I can barely keep myself from slamming my hands on the desk and screaming at them to shut up!
ReplyDeleteEspecially this one guy in particular. I don't know what it is about him, but i really really don't like him and have an odd feeling about him. Can't place it.
Any way, I feel you with it all and seem to be on the brink of tears 24/7...it gets so old!
Here's to a better week for us both!
Emily at Amazing Grapes
oh angie...you're not alone. I think we all deal with patience by being smacked in the face every now and then. and public crying? holy moly i've been doing alot of that lately. cheers to new mornings, every day.
ReplyDeleteHi Angie,
ReplyDeleteI'm still around. :) I'm just finding other outlets for my writing until I'm ready for a public forum. You and I seem to share the same plight of impatience though, which evoked my need to respond. I've always heard the saying, "Ask yourself, will this matter in 5 or 10 years?". I know five (and even ten) years will be here before you know it, but honestly that is too long for impatient ole me. In the past four months, I've been asking myself if the little things will matter in 24-hours. And it's been an instant realization that they don't.
I hope this helps. :)
Take care and aloha.
Love you hon'..... Its ok not to gel with everyone. And every time someone or something tests your patience like that its good practice for your coping skills. And btw, EFF whoever upset you like that.
ReplyDeleteSending hugs and smooches from the east coast!!!
Noa
The only person I know who's mastered patience is God! I can really relate in that it can be so frustrating to have patience. Dealing with my illness is the same in that it's a daily effort to push through the challenges, and be able to give it up to Him because without Him it's too much for me. I really hope your week turns around for you!
ReplyDeleteI know it's been a while since you've posted this, but I just have to say that I feel you, girl. I've been feeling the same way as of late. I don't know what it is, but I've also resorted to crying at the most inconvenient times, too. As far as patience goes...I fail miserably in that area as well. I'm sending out hugs to you. We can all continue to pray for each other and cling to Jesus in these troublesome times.
ReplyDelete