29 Gifts: Day 28

I have a friend here who I met a couple of years ago; she is much younger than me and in many ways, I think of her as a little sister. As such, I am protective of her and it pains me to see her unhappy. Especially when it is over a guy who (I feel) isn't worth it.

(my little sister from another mother)

We all have stories from our younger years of mistakes, bad choices or moments we'd prefer to forget and ALL because of a guy who was totally and completely wrong for us, right? I've lost count of how many times this friend has come to me with stories about this guy (or that guy), wanting my interpretation of this scenario (or that scenario)...and every single time, I sense that what she really wants from me at that moment is validation. Validation that yes, you are making the right decision.

My gift for Day 28? An authoritative dose of Advice. On this day, she came to me with a long-winded, play-by-play of her situation; without so much as a pause, she asked me what my thoughts were. And this was the moment of truth. I believe that I am a good friend and I've always been honest with her, but I also believe that in the past, I may have sugar-coated my words so as not to hurt her feelings. So I asked her point-blank: "Do you want me to tell you what I think you want to hear, or do you want me to tell you what I really feel?" She chose the latter.

I didn't hold back. I told her that I loved her - that she was beautiful and intelligent and strong and so special. I told her that I thought she was too good for him and that in her efforts to please, she was doing herself a disservice and giving him permission to continue crapping all over her. I told her that I thought she was compromising her integrity simply because she is eager to fill the self-perceived "void" that singledom brings. I told her to trust her instincts and honor her Self. And finally, I told her that yes, she-could-roll-her-eyes-all-she-wants-at-what-I'm-about-to-say-next, but the fact of the matter is that she is so young and her time will come. LOVE should never be forced.

Sometimes, being a real friend means that you need to just tell it like it is.

* * *

Today's Gratitude List:

1) For the friends in my life who tell it like it is.
2) Seeing my niece and nephew via Skype tonight.
3) Planning a big vacation with The Hubs later this year!

29 Gifts: Day 27

My gift for Day 27 was the gift of a Gumball. :)

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Day 27 found me at the coffee shop getting a refill of my java. I was "zoning out" (I honestly don't remember how long I must have been standing there!), lazily stirring the cream and sugar in my cup when I noticed a little girl beside me, gazing at the gumball machine in front of her. She turned her head and asked her Mom: "Mommy, can I have a quarter for the gumball machine?" Her mother rifled through her wallet for some time before announcing that she didn't have any loose change. And this is where everything changed; at the risk of sounding narcissistic, I'm going to share these thoughts with you, anyway.

The little girl, upon hearing that she wouldn't be able to buy a gumball, silently turned back towards the gumball machine, her eyes filling with tears. She didn't say a word, just kept staring at those brightly colored balls. For a split-second, I saw a five year old ME. I remembered a similar situation when I was younger (wanting a treat but my parents not having the money on them to buy it) and I SO vividly remember the silence...the effort to hold back those alligator tears, but letting them roll down my cheeks anyway, because afterall, disappointment like that is enough to make any four or five year old cry, right?

I wanted to hug the little girl (but didn't...STRANGER DANGER!); I leaned over to her mother and respectfully asked if she wouldn't mind me buying a gumball for her daughter. Smiling, she agreed, so I gave her daughter a quarter so that she might have one of those beloved gumballs. She accepted the quarter timidly and said quietly: "Thank you, Auntie." [Out here in Hawaii, it's common for children to address elders as Auntie or Uncle out of respect]

Hand to heart...this gift was all mine.

* * *

Today's Gratitude List:

1) Evening BBQ with friends!
2) The Hubs bought chips and my FAVORITE mango-peach salsa.
3) Receiving the gift of a book from my friend Nick - I love his name :)

29 Gifts: Day 26

Over the years, as someone who has often resisted technology and the instant gratification it can provide, it seems a bit hypocritical that I would opt to send an email or text as opposed to picking up the telephone to call a friend. A hand-written note is one thing, but a phone call is entirely another. I'm not a phone person. Period.

But my gift for Day 26 was just that: a Phone Call.

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On this day, my thoughts kept going back to my oldest and dearest friend, M. We were born exactly five days apart, met one another on our first day of kindergarten and were best friends for the next ten years until she moved away. We lost touch throughout high school and didn't see one another until that one, fateful day in college, when I felt a hand reach out and grab me by the arm. We were heading in opposite directions on the concrete pathway, but she spotted me and pulled me into a hug that I won't soon forget (I smile as I write this, because I remember that moment of immeasureable happiness as if it were yesterday).

Much has changed over the years; she is married now and a mother of three, residing in CA, where she is living the life she always dreamed of. We keep in touch via Facebook, letters and cards on birthdays and holidays, but it has been years since we spoke on the telephone for hours like we did way back when we were young girls. Oddly enough, I'd had a dream about her a few nights prior, so I interpreted this as the Universe's way of telling me I needed to call her. And so I did---and I'm glad.

It turns out that M had been feeling pretty down; her husband was traveling for work and she was home alone with the kids, feeling exhausted and under the weather. When she answered the phone, I was immediately grateful I'd called; I miss her so and the sound of her voice was like a hug from my old friend. She repeatedly thanked me for calling, marveling at my timing and how much it helped just to hear MY voice at the other end of the line.

Once again, my intent to give a gift brought me one in return; nothing beats the gratification of being "there" for a friend when they need someone to lean on. Gifts don't always have to be wrapped up in pretty paper and tied with a bow; sometimes, the best gifts are simple gestures that on the surface, may seem insignificant and trivial, when in fact, they're actions that keep hearts connected.

* * *

Today's Gratitude List:

1) Friends.
2) Finding the hat I thought I had lost!
3) Inspiration to PAINT!

29 Gifts: Day 25

My gift for Day 25 was the gift of Public Service.

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My gift for this particular day was completely unplanned; admittedly, I was preoccupied with work, feeling incredibly swamped and hadn't spent a stitch of time thinking about what my gift for the day would be. I was overwhelmed with assignments and wasn't feeling particularly creative, so in all honesty, I was slightly relieved that the opportunity to give - more or less - presented itself (just keeping it real, folks).

Getting out of my car in the parking lot, I was distracted by the envelope that fluttered at my feet, swirling in rhythmic circles as if dancing to music I could not hear. I bent down to pick up the envelope, preparing to throw it into the dumpster on my way into work. While doing so, I spied the crushed, empty, paper coffee-cup near the rear tire of my car. I picked up said coffee cup and made my way to the dumpster while surveying the entire parking lot. There was litter and garbage everywhere.

I don't normally view the parking lot with these eyes; most of the time, I am deep in thought or distracted by the days events to notice such things, but for the first time, I noticed just how ugly this type of litter can be.

And right there, I released gift number 25. For the next (approximately) 10 minutes, I walked around the parking lot and picked up litter and trash that skittered across the pavement or hugged at the curbs. And all the while, I was amazed at what people can casually throw out their car windows; cigarette boxes and cigarette butts, empty food wrappers, empty coffee cups, straws, paperwork, plastic bags and even a dirty diaper (and no, in all honesty, I couldn't bring myself to pick this up). Seriously...what gives? WHO does that?

I realize that my gift is a mere drop in the bucket as to what needs to be done for the earth as a whole, but it has certainly opened my eyes to such things that are so easily missed on any given day. It's not often that I acknowledge the trash that litters our sidewalks (and beaches!), but on this particular day, I was reminded of ways that I can help to keep this world we inhabit, beautiful.

Friends, wherever you are, if you see litter or trash on the ground, do your part and please, pick it up!

* * *

Today's Gratitude List:

1) Waking up before the alarm clock, thus giving me an extra 20 minutes to lounge in bed.
2) Finding the "perfect" apple at the grocery store.
3) Receiving a hand written note and a CD in the mail from my friend on the East Coast (thank you, Ashley!).

29 Gifts: Day 24

There is a little, old man who I often see around town and near our home upcountry. Every time I see him, he is dressed from head to toe in Hawaiian-print garb; on his head sits a tattered, woven hat and around his neck lays a black, kukui-nut necklace. He is friendly and waves to everyone around him. Everytime I see him, I smile and wave back. He is friendly and eager for conversation, but I gather that he isn't "all there", because I often see him talking to himself and engaged in a solo conversation.

He is a permanent, regular fixture outside our Costco in town and at the grocery store near our home. He calls out to people as they leave, often commenting on what they have in their carts, asking them what they are making for lunch or dinner, depending on the time of day. There is something about him that I find endearing. I don't know if it is his smile that I can always count on, or if it is the fact that he is an adorable, old man who very much reminds me of my late grandfather. What I DO know is that I like him. Very much.

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What I find peculiar about this scenario is not that he is a man who may or may not be struggling with some form of mental illness, but that I often see people ignoring him. They will walk right past him, avoiding eye contact and conversation, seemingly dismissing him as a public nuisance. And this makes me sad.

My gut tells me that this man is harmless; he is simply looking for anyone to pay him attention. I have no idea what his life story is, where he calls "home", or what he does with his day, but I find myself oddly drawn to him. I suspect he is lonely and in need of human contact. And by nature, I aim to please, so what's a girl to do in this situation? My gift for Day 24 was the gift of Conversation.

So on this particular day, as I left the grocery store with a few ingredients I needed to make our salad that evening, I walked right up to him and said hello. He looked at me with his smiling eyes and gestured for me to take a seat at the patio table opposite him. I sat.

I spent 5 minutes talking to him, answering his questions and complimenting him on his friendly nature. Our conversation was quick, fragmented and without focus, confirming my suspicions that he might not be well, but in those five minutes, my heart was full. Though not completely "there", he still knows and fully understands kindness and compassion. He spoke of the birds in the parking lot whom he sneaks crumbs of food to. He spoke of the people and their beautiful children who come and go in their hurried attempts to buy groceries. And he spoke of the sunshine and how living on Maui all these years, he has grown to love the feel of the sun on his face. He is a lovely man.

My gift for Day 24 was meant for him, but at the end of the day, I see it was also a gift for ME. Who knew that taking 5 minutes to converse with a total and complete stranger could bring me happiness and contentment?

* * *

Today's Gratitude List:

1) Another productive day at work and receiving kudos from The Bossman for a job well done.
2) Cashing in on Rewards at the grocery store.
3) Finding an extra $20 hidden in between the handful of receipts in my wallet.

29 Gifts: Day 23

(I'm not sure how these posts are showing up in your readers, but I'm back-dating them in hopes that I'm not inundating your dashboards/blog-rolls). Today is the last day of the month and I have officially finished the 29 Gifts challenge, so ideally, I'd like to get caught up on all the posts this morning. I've diligently kept my day-planner filled with notes for each of my remaining gifts and gratitude lists...I'm looking forward to staring fresh with new blog topics beginning February 1st).

My gift for Day 23 was the gift of a Quarter!

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During another trip to the gym on this particular day, I had just finished my workout and was in the locker room, packing up my gym bag and getting ready to head out. The girl next to me was cursing up a storm for having forgotten her lock for the locker and not having a quarter to use the pay-per-use lockers out front. She had her wallet, keys and cell phone in one hand and her iPod and water bottle in the other. She asked me if I thought it would be "safe" if she put her belongings in an unlocked locker and wondered aloud if it were even a big deal to begin with. Being the paranoid person that I am, I told her I wouldn't take the risk, but that I would gladly give her a quarter use the lockers out front. Afterall, it's better to be safe than sorry, no?

I had a hard time qualifying this particular "give" as a gift, considering I would have gladly given a quarter to any fellow gym-goer in the same situation if they asked. I'm continually challenged by this project, wanting my gifts to be unique and creative and meaningful in their own way, but I have to keep reminding myself that as long as they are given with intent and without expectation of reciprocity in any way, it's all good. And so it was.

This act of kindness made me feel good, and my recipient was grateful. And the best part of it? The instant gift in return: I made a new friend. :)

* * *

Today's Gratitude List:

1) Physical Therapy has paid off! Less pain today in my neck and lower back.
2) The sweet stranger who complimented me on my skirt and sandals.
3) A good "hair" day.

29 Gifts: Day 22

My gift for Day 22 was the gift of Water.

On this particular day, I made my daily visit to the gym to get in a good workout. I had parked my car in the back parking lot and had just grabbed my gym bag from the trunk of my car when I heard the high-pitched whining that felt like a punch in the heart. Following the noise, I found the little dog tethered in the back of the pick-up truck. My assumption is that the owner was inside the gym getting their workout, leaving their pup in the bed of the truck to wait it out.

I won't go into detail about how much this infuriated me as I am sure you can come to your own conclusion. It was early afternoon when the sun was at its peak, so one can surmise just how hot it was. I mean, it's MAUI for crimeny's sake.

Without so much as a second thought, I pulled my wide-mouth water bottle from my gym bag; I had filled it with ice water prior to leaving our house, so the ice cubes still danced in the container, doing their job. I unscrewed the cap to the bottle and leaned into the bed of the truck, inviting the pup to take a sip.

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(totally not my photo, but it captures the incident quite well!)

I expected the pup to hesitate, but he/she immediately came forward and greedily drank from my bottle, while I whispered soothing words as if he/she could understand what I was saying.

I don't know the full story, how long the truck had been parked there, when the last time was that the pup had something to drink, so in all fairness, I can't say that the owner was being irresponsible. All I CAN say is that seeing a dog panting under the hot sun while tied to the bed of a pick-up truck really broke my heart. If it were my pup, I'd have at least left a bowl of water for them while they waited.

* * *

Today's Gratitude List:

1) Being at the right place at the right time.
2) Enjoying an awesome workout at the gym.
3) Receiving an email from my oldest and dearest friend, Marina.

29 Gifts: Day 21

I'm a little embarrassed to actually be calling this a gift on this particular day, but for all intents and purposes, it is. My gift for Day 21 was the gift of 110%. And by this, I mean that I gave 110% at my job, all day long.

Let me clarify. If I am being honest, I would have to say that there are some days where I'm just NOT in the mood. I go to work and I do my job; and while I may think that I am doing my job well, there is always room for improvement. I could spend more time "in the moment" and less time thinking about and planning what I will do with my time once I'm off work. And as long as I'm calling myself out on my work ethic, I'll just say that there are days when I could use a lesson in PATIENCE. Patience with myself and with those around me.

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On Day 21, I actually made the conscious decision early in the morning to go to work and be "ON", all day long. I told myself that I would give everything that I had. I would go above and beyond what was asked of me. I would listen better (because I have the terrible habit of trying to "cut to the chase" for the sake of saving time). I would give 110% from start to finish. And I would do all of it with a smile. My job has me wearing many hats; the majority of my day is spent in front of the computer, but managing a small staff also requires that I leave my office and interact with my employees and the public. On this day, I told myself that I would s-l-o-w d-o-w-n and I would give my employees and our customers ALL of me.

And so I did.

And it was one of the best days I've had at work in a long time. Productive, fulfilling and gratifying.

* * *

Today's Gratitude List:

1) My job.
2) Happy employees and happy customers.
3) Running into The Hubs during our work day, catching his eye and seeing him wink at me. Love him.

29 Gifts: Day 20

The division of labor in our house runs like so: we both work to contribute towards our living expenses, I do the bill-paying, grocery shopping, cooking and kitchen clean-up, The Hubs throws out the garbage, drops off the recycling every week, kills bugs, cleans the bathroom, gives Grace her regular baths, washes, folds and puts away all the laundry (reason # 9,345,308 why I love him). This system has worked for us for years.

On this particular day, I was off work and spent a couple hours in the morning reading, blogging and enjoying my day of leisure. Phil has been working longer hours in the last couple of weeks in preparation for a barrage of distributor meetings lined up for this week and next. As a result, each night after dinner, he often fires up his laptop and spends another couple of hours working, while I may or may not be sitting on the couch watching absolute trash on TV (Bachelor, anyone?).

My gift for Day 20 was a gift to my husband. The gift of being The Good Wife.

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Once I decided what my gift would be, I went on a 5-hour rampage; I washed, folded and put away all the laundry, cleaned the bathroom, the kitchen and the refrigerator (we are not dirty people, but HOW the refrigerator happens to get filthy, I have yet to figure out), made a fresh batch of iced-tea, lit candles, had fresh flowers displayed on the tables and had dinner cooked and ready to eat by the time he got home. And it made me feel really, really good.

To see the look of gratitude on his face when he rattled off, one-by-one, all the things he noticed I'd done...it was just priceless. By giving this gift, I received a little refresher course in learning not to take your spouse for granted. It is so easy to get caught up in our own responsibilities and obligations, so easy to allow ourselves to get wrapped up in activities that, over time, if not addressed, could threaten to challenge an otherwise loving and mutually respectful union.

I spend a lot of time doing "my own thing"; this has always been my nature. I immerse myself in activities that often require solitude: reading, painting, photography, writing, blogging. And while this is nothing new and Phil often encourages me to pursue that which makes me feel creatively fulfilled, I am reminded that there is a time and a place to put those things aside and just focus on HIM.

My husband is a good man; he is selfless and giving and so generous with everything he has to offer me. On Day 20, it was all for him. We shared a quiet, candle-lit dinner together over a bottle of wine and good conversation.

And it was bliss.

* * *

Today's Gratitude List:

1) Inspiration = Productivity.
2) A sparkling, clean home.
3) My husband.

29 Gifts: Day 19

I am woefully behind in posting (what else is new?) but I will spare you the excuses and get right down to business!

My gift for Day 19 was the gift of Hospitality. Some of you may be familiar with Ross's blog (Painfully Optomistic), where he chronicles his daily life while living with CRPS (Complex Regional Pain Syndrome). Ross sent me an email about a month ago letting me know he and his wife would be vacationing in Maui and would I be able to give him a few recommendations on things to do while they're here?

We traded a few emails and I suggested he pick up a copy of Maui Revealed, a resourceful book that we have found helpful. Ross wasn't able to track down a copy of the book where he lives, so therein lay the opportunity for my gift.

I asked Ross for his condo information and made arrangements to drop off a copy of the book so that he had one on hand when he checked in. I picked up a fresh copy from the bookstore and filled out a small postcard welcoming he and his wife to the islands.

Ross, I hope you're relaxing and enjoying your well-deserved vacation. Aloha!

* * *

Today's Gratitude List:

1) An invitation for a BBQ with friends!
2) Leg-rubs and nose-kisses from Grace.
3) Full moon beauty!

Blog of the Month? Yes, please!

I found out this morning that my blog was nominated for Blog of the Month at For the Love of Blogs.

While my blog is also up against two friends whose blogs I love and follow (Shay @ Laugh Until Your Cheeks Hurt and Kate @ Love is Everywhere - check them out!), I'd be lying if I said I wouldn't love winning this. I'm honored that anyone even bothers reading what I have to write - because, let's be honest, the majority of us blog to an audience, right? - but if my posts have the ability to reach someone, anyone, and provide inspiration, hope, entertainment or laughter, well...that's just icing on the cake.

So, if you read my blog and and like what I have to offer, pretty-please-with-sugar-on-top, please vote for me.

Visit For the Love of Blogs, find the poll over on the right side-bar, and clickety-click on me!

Please and thank you! xoxo!

29 Gifts: Day 18

My friend Tay @ Tay Talk shared a link on her blog a few days ago that made my next gift in this series an easy one. My gift for Day 18 was the gift of a Donation.

Sidenote: I love when the internet can be used for good. To think of how quickly a story can spread - literally, like wildfire - simply because others are sharing links and getting the word out is nothing short of amazing; I am always so humbled when I see people banning together for the greater good, doing whatever they possibly can to help.

Tay shared a link to a video, website and donation page for a young couple wanting to adopt Rinah, who currently lives in Uganda:

Take a peek at the video...it totally did me in:

adopt rinah from VsTheBrain on Vimeo.

You can read more about Andrew and Carissa here on their blog.

* * *

Today's Gratitude List:

1) The process of adoption. Though it is oftentimes an emotionally exhausting process, I am grateful for those who DO. Including my friends Lauren and Nikki and their husbands. They are all earth angels.
2) The 1 and 1/2 hour conversation I had with my Momma on the phone. i miss her, but I am looking forward to her visit with my stepdad in the Spring!
3) Blogging...and new friends. :)

Blog Love...and Thoughts on Writing.

I've hesitated writing this post for the simple reason that it seems a tad self-indulgent and quite possibly even narcissistic, but after spending some time thinking this through, I decided that Yeah, I'm gonna post about it anyway. 'Cause I'm all about the Love.

I wanted to take the time to acknowledge the influx of Blog Love I've received recently, but first, a heartfelt thank you to all of you - friends and readers. Thank You for reading along and more importantly, for taking the time to leave feedback. When I first started this public blog last August, I did so with the hope that some of my blogging friends from my days over on Live Journal would continue to follow along reading about my random musings, but I also hoped that I might make a new friend or two along the way. Six, short months later and my life is richer because you are all in it; all of you inspiring and like-minded souls who I am blessed to call friends. I am especially humbled by the outpouring of love and support I received from virtual strangers in the weeks following my little brother's death. Thank you all so much for leaving such thoughtful and supportive comments and for keeping my family and I in your prayers...I truly felt the love.

Blogging has given me renewed vigor and a committment to just write (a lifelong passion of mine). I am finding that with each entry I publish, I continue learning about myself; the small facets that would otherwise go unnoticed had I not taken the time to ruminate over my thoughts, my actions and my experiences. My writing may not always be unicorns and rainbows, but they are MY words, and they are real. Like photography, writing is an art form; a way to capture moments in life, seemingly slowing Life down just enough for you to savor the sweetness a little while longer.

And I wanna savor it. All of it

* * *

This here, little-blog-o-mine has received a handful of awards from some pretty amazing ladies out there; I am flattered that they would take time to read along, comment and share my link with their own readers. Thank you all!

Thank you to Ashley @ Ashley...Plus Three for this award. One of my goals when I first started writing was that I wanted to inspire and be inspired; this award tells me I'm doing something right.

Thank you to Tay @ Tay Talk and Mallori @ Aiukli: Because Life is Beautiful for the Versatile Blogger Award; that my writing is considered versatile is an honor. Thank you!

And finally, thank you to the following ladies for gifting me with the Stylish Blogger Award. Apparently, I'm bloggin' and stylin'. :)

Jenni @ Story of My Life
Courtney @ Vintch
Kate @ Love is Everywhere
Donna @ Write Now, Write Later
Shalyn @ Laugh Until Your Cheeks Hurt
Chelsea @ Free to Be Me
Melissa @ Love & Life

* * *

And because I am ALL about spreading the love and sharing good blog recommendations when I find them, in addition to the links above, I invite you to check out the following five blogs below. I find myself returning to these blogs because they are feel-good blogs that inspire, make me laugh, or just give me good vibes. I'll bet you'll feel the same!:

Roots of She (Girl-Power. Enough Said.)
Kind over Matter (Feel Good = Do Good. I discovered them through the magazine Artful Blogging)
Ruthy Ann @ Discovery Street (one of the cutest love stories, ever.)
Melissa @ Melissa's Oklahoma (she's planning a quaint, winter wedding!)
Laura @ Just For Love (her strong faith is inspiring...)

29 Gifts: Day 17

It has been a lazy Sunday for me. I wasn't feeling well, so I stayed indoors and spent most of the day relaxing and watching an offensive amount of television (in my defense, I watched Tivo'd episodes of the Oprah show and programs on her new network). It's now Sunday evening and I am determined to get myself caught up on this 29 Gifts series! (eta: FAIL...I'll finish tomorrow!)

My gift for Day 17 was the gift of Anonymous Love!

On this day, I went to the bookstore for some "Me" time (which involves a cup of coffee and a stack of magazines to read at my leisure) and while there, I released my gift. I had thought about this gift before I'd left my house that morning, so I came prepared with my handmade love-note:

My intent was to plant it somewhere in a meaningful book so that eventually, when discovered, it will bring a smile to the recipient's face. It did not take long for me to decide which book to place it in; it was very much like planting a seed to keep the momentum going:

* * *

Today's Gratitude List:

1) Finding an empty sofa-chair in the bookstore cafe...almost as if they were expecting me. :)
2) Redeeming a 50% coupon and cashing in on Borders Bucks to buy my Gift for Day 19.
3) Getting squeezed in to last-minute Physical Therapy AND Massage appointments.

29 Gifts: Day 16

A quick trip to the grocery store to pick up a few ingredients for dinner presented an opportunity for a gift for Day 16: the gift of Helping Hands.

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I was walking back to my car with my goods in tow, when I saw her. Her white, curly hair atop her tiny frame, back hunched over, suggesting a weariness in her bones after years of hard work. She was struggling to corral the heavy shopping cart that undoubtedly matched her weight, while opening the passenger door to her car. She moved slowly and with great effort, and this sight alone made me sad.

I imagined my grandmother doing the same. I imagined my own Momma, years from now, doing this exact same thing and my heart lurched. I hurriedly raced over to her - albeit with caution so as not to scare her - and said: "Can I help you with that?" Startled, she looked up at me over glasses that sat low on her nose; her face softened. She had a look of both relief and defeat in her eyes, and I was overcome with the urge to just hug her. "I can't move like I used to," she said, backing up only enough to suggest that she welcomed my help.

With one hand, I held on to her cart and the handles of my own canvas bag, and with the other, I loaded up the two bags of groceries into the passenger seat of her car. She thanked me multiple times, her gratitude laced with sweet remarks that only a grandmother would make: "Oh my, be careful, dear." I didn't hug her - although I wish I did (she was so cute I couldn't stand it) - but she sent me on my way with a final bid of thanks and a smile that I won't soon forget.

My gift was neither monetary nor grand in nature, but it was something extended in kindness and love. And it filled me with happiness and peace, because I am hoping with every fiber of my being, that if my own Momma finds herself in this position years from now and I am not there to help her personally, someone will be kind to her.

* * *

Today's Gratitude List:

1) Youth and mobility. We take this for granted, but it is a blessing. And I am grateful.
2) My friends, Rachel and Noa, who continue to reach out to me in their texts, just letting me know that I am thought of.
3) Hugs from my husband. They are all-encompassing, big, bear-hugs, that smoosh me close enough to him that I can feel his heart beat and breathe in his love.

29 Gifts: Day 15

I am taking advantage of some free time on this lovely Friday afternoon to catch up on my 29 Gifts series; can I just say that committing to post every day on a specific topic requires a level of discipline to which I am not fully accustomed? I am so behind...and I don't like this feeling. Yikes.

My gift for Day 15 was the gift of Coffee.

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On this day, I made a trip to Maui Coffee Roasters (voted best on Maui!) for my much-needed, afternoon-caffeine-pick-me-up. I was totally dragging and feeling lethargic; something a little java-jolt would surely cure. I paid for a small coffee to go and at the last minute, decided to pay for the next two coffee sales behind me. I quietly shared this information with the cashier barista and slipped her the necessary dough, quickly making a bee-line for the exit.

I left smiling, imagining the look of surprise when the customers were told that their coffees had already been paid for.

It's the little things, people.

* * *

Today's Gratitude List:

1) My BFF came home from her 11 day trip to the mainland and I got to give her a big, long hug. Hugs are good.
2) Music...and its ability to move me.
3) Another beautiful sunset.

LOVE comes Full-Circle

I have to interrupt my daily 29 Gifts series posts to share something with all of you. In yesterday's post, I touched briefly on the concept that like attracts like and that giving and receiving go hand-in-hand; a cause and effect, if you will.

Last night when I got home from work, I grabbed our mail from the mailbox and headed inside, already lost in the mental archives of the things I needed to do before starting dinner. There was a small package addressed to me bearing a return address I didn't recognize; while my curiosity was piqued, I didn't open it immediately. The Hubs and I were flitting around the house, feeding Grace dinner, pulling out ingredients from the refrigerator, lighting candles and everything else that falls under our nightly-routine list.

When I finally opened the package, I was speechless. Inside the padded envelope was a little blue box; taped outside was a card with a brief message from my friend Michelle, who lives on the East Coast. Michelle and I have never met in real-life (we're online friends from my blogging days over at LiveJournal). When I pulled the bracelet out from its little, velvet pouch, I completely lost it.

Inscribed on the front was my brother's name: Nick.

I cried. I was so, deeply touched. And I was grateful that Phil was right there to scoop me into his arms, because when I turned the heart over, I saw my other brother's name: Tony.

And right then and there, I broke down in what we all know as "The Ugly Cry". Jagged sobbing and snot galore...I'm sure I looked hot.

Without hesitation, Phil put the bracelet on me, and now it dangles delicately from my left wrist, alongside my tiny, silver rosary bead bracelet.

Michelle...thank you for thinking of me, for your kindness and friendship. Your gift means so much to me; I will hold my brothers love close to my heart and will also think of YOU, my beautiful friend who made this a tangible gift. I LOVE YOU.

* * *

"The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in a hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing...not healing, not curing...that is a friend who cares."

- Henri Nouwen

29 Gifts: Day 14

I'm taking advantage of some free time I have this morning to visit some of you lovely ladies and to catch up on my 29 Gifts adventure. I am just about halfway through this project and while I am definitely feeling challenged by it, I am also filled with hope and love at the results. Anyone who has read about the Law of Attraction or the book, The Secret understands the concept that like attracts like. That's not to say that you should give with the intent of receiving, but in essence, it's almost impossible not to receive something in return. In the two, short weeks I've participated in this project, my eyes, my ears and my heart have opened up in ways I was not prepared for. At the risk of sounding narcissitic, the act of giving - in ways big or small - have not only helped to heal ME, but have also magnified the beauty and love that is right outside our front door.

I am finding beauty and love not only in all of God's creation, but in simple pleasures and seemingly irrelevant, daily affairs. I see and feel beauty and love in the sound of the rain on our roof late at night, knowing that this occurence is nourishing the earth and providing clean water for us to drink - something we so easily take for granted. I see and feel beauty and love when my eyes lock with a stranger's and we smile briefly at one another, connected for a handful of seconds in a life of seemingly infinite time. And I see and feel beauty and love when my husband calls me on the phone and in mid-sentence, stops to tell me: "I love you, and I love the sound of your voice." How did I become so lucky?

I'm getting a little off-topic here, but just wanted to revisit the purpose behind this little project of mine; 29 Gifts is changing me in ways that I hope make me a better human being. I feel willing and able to give (and yes, receive) more love. And it's beautiful.

* * *

I struggled with yesterday's gift. In truth, I spent much of the day in bed and in pain, unable to get comfortable for the stiff-neck and lower-back pain that has taken residence in this body of mine since Friday morning. No doubt the standing and cooking and entertaining from the previous night only exacerbated my condition, but I felt useless and completely unproductive which is a horrible feeling when the skies are blue, the sun is shining and playtime beckons.

By noon yesterday, my discomfort had me near tears, so I finally relented and took Phil's advice to schedule a massage. So yes, in a twisted way, my gift for Day 14 was the gift of a Massage...for ME. I wrestled with the thought of such a luxury and the hefty price tag, but I was desperate. I contemplated booking a massage at my all-time favorite Spa (which is heavenly), but couldn't justify the expense when it would rank as the most expensive "gift" to date! So I took the more practical route and booked a massage with The Maui School of Therapeutic Massage, rationalizing that at least the appointment served two purposes: not only did it help me, but it helps the students, who still need to fulfill their hours (and did I mention that their rates are a fraction of what I would normally pay otherwise? Seriously...$30 is robbery!)

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This was my first time booking through a school; I was a bit hesitant at first, fearing that I might not get the treatment I was hoping for, but I could not be more wrong. As luck would have it, I wound up getting the most senior student of the day who was an angel in disguise. At first, I felt horrible...I mean, she was this tiny, little girl who stood no taller than 4'9", and I just felt HUGE and oaf-ish and unworthy, all 5'6" of me, laying on the table, offering up an hour of hard, sweat-inducing work on her part (this self-flagellation stopped when I reminded myself that this was supposed to be a gift to myself). And this is the part where I say that size is no indication of ability, because this girl was GOOD. She completely catered to my needs, working out my kinks, my stiff and sore muscles, and leaving me feeling like jello. It was awesome.

Phil was shocked to hear that I would chalk this massage up to one of the best I've ever received, but I'm not lying. It was THAT good. I don't know if it's because I really needed it, or if it's because she's a student and therefore trying harder...but either way, I'm seeing her again.

And because I couldn't NOT make this a gift for someone other than myself, I tipped her $20...which she hesitated to take.

This morning, I'm still sore and not yet 100%, but definitely feeling better. Now I'm off to go out into the world and release Gift # 15! Have a beautiful day, friends!

* * *

Today's Gratitude List:

1) Spending our day off together, just The Hubs and Me. Even if it meant laying around in bed watching TV and accomplishing nothing.
2) Being fit-in for a massage on such short notice.
3) Saving money in the process.

29 Gifts: Day 13

It seems the theme of my gifts this weekend revolved around food (but food is good, no?)

My gift for Sunday (Day 13) was hosting Dinner for 13 of our friends. The Hubs and I try to entertain at least every couple of months, and when we do, we go big. We had originally planned to have friends over in December for a Christmas dinner, but all things considered, I wasn't really in the right frame of mind to play hostess. However, when Phil asked on Saturday morning if I'd be up for a Sunday dinner, I agreed and the menu was planned.

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On the menu: dijon tiger-prawns, tri-tip steaks with Hawaiian rub, chicken teriyaki, rosemary garlic bread, a parmesan pasta salad with sweet red chili peppers, roasted mushrooms and asparagus and white rice (a must-have for Phil). Wine, beer and shots of Patron were consumed, and the night was capped off with strawberry shortcake and vanilla ice-cream sandwiches smeared with peanut butter (I know it sounds weird, but TRY IT...your welcome!)

I had high hopes of photographing each of the meals we prepared, but with a full house, this was quickly forgotten and the only photos I captured were at the end of the night when our platters were empty, our kitchen a mess and things were winding down.

The evening was a success and it was good to send our friends home with full bellies and a night filled with laughter and good conversation. And 1:00am, when our house was empty and quiet and I spied our kitchen with it's empty glasses, dishes piled high in the sink and a now-full recycling bin, it didn't even phase me that my work was still not done.

Because Life is so much sweeter when it is filled with friends.

* * *

Today's Gratitude List:

1) The Hubs, who in preparation for the evening, went on a cleaning rampage to my standards; vacuuming the area rugs, baseboard cleaning, dusting and even going so far as moving the entertainment center to clean behind the TV and reorganize the endless array of power cords (the bane of my existence).
2) Grocery shopping at Costco with our menu in hand and bypassing any and all lines...a cashier waiting for ME, with a smile. Totally unheard of.
3) Friends. Enough said.

29 Gifts: Day 12

As usual, running a couple days behind in my posts...booooooooo!)

A friend of ours owns two horses; we have joked that they live in the lap of luxury, seeing as how they do nothing but eat all day long, grazing in the fields around their home. But imagine eating the same meal every single day (in this case, grass or horse feed)...doesn't that just strike you as incredibly boring? I am a complete pushover when it comes to animals, wanting to please them in whatever way I am able. So when I asked my friend if I could stop by to feed his horses treats, he happily agreed.

My gift for Day 12 was the gift of Food. Armed with large ziploc bags of sliced apples and carrots, The Hubs and I went to visit our animal friends on Saturday morning.

Meet "Handsome":

And "Rain" (she has the coolest blue eyes):

I quickly learned that Handsome was a fan of the carrots and Rain preferred the apples, so I had to work quickly to keep them both interested.

Feeding an animal ten times my size is a pretty cool experience... although I am sure that if I actually owned horses, their maintenance and upkeep might have me singing a different tune.

Days 13 and 14 up next!

Today's Gratitude List:

1) Loving that Phil is such a trouper, coming along to support me and take photos of my 29 Gifts adventure.
2) Receiving a letter and photos in the mail from my Poppa and stepmom.
3) Getting front-row parking spots at nearly every stop today!

29 Gifts: Day 11

I'm a little late with this one and am only now getting around to posting yesterday's gift. Work has kept me preoccupied and I've been suffering from a wretched stiff neck the last couple of days, so I haven't been able to spend very much time online. I do appreciate you all still coming by to visit me and I hope to be able to return the visit tomorrow. Thanks for being so patient!

My gift for Day 11 was a donation to the Maui Humane Society, by way of one of the many plexi-glass boxes parked in so many shops throughout the island. Admittedly, it is one of my less-creative gifts, but still, it is given with love (my whopping $2.00 and change):

And really, how can you say no to this?

I seriously want to adopt a pup. In a bad, bad way.

* * *

Today's Gratitude List:

1) The Hubs' willingness to sit through Black Swan with me. 'Makes me miss my ballet classes. Minus all the psychosis and violence, of course.
2) A beautiful, blue-skied, 80+ degree day.
3) Shopping. I know that sounds shallow, but I love me my new handbag and makeup. :)

29 Gifts: Day 10

I like to think that I am prompt at expressing my gratitude to others when the situations arise, but sometimes - despite my best intentions - I fail.

In my mind, I have thanked this person over and over, but how is she to know this when I haven't propery expressed it? I have thought about Robyn since our day together in early December. Many of you might remember the post I had written about my dental-hygienist-turned-friend-and-medium. My appointment with her that morning was nothing short of serendipitous; I honestly believe that I might be several steps behind in the healing process had she not given me the gift she did in that moment.

I have written letters to her in my mind but have never put those thoughts to paper for the simple reason that writing about that morning is emotionally draining. But for some reason, today felt right.

Today I wrote her a proper thank you note, expressing every emotion I felt that morning almost a month ago. And because this 29 Gifts project has me in an exceptionally grateful place, I also picked up a a little something for her from Pier 1 Imports. I perused the aisles this morning with nothing in mind, but when I saw the candle, I knew. When we spoke that morning, we had talked about finding peace living where we do, on this beautiful island surrounded by the tranquil blue ocean. I was drawn to the candle by the beautiful blend of colors alone and when I picked it up, sniffing the fragrance and turning it over to read its scent, I smiled when I saw that it was aptly named "Oceans". The synchronicity is astounding! My mission was accomplished and I paid for it without hesitation. I didn't get to drop it off today, but I'll be delivering it to her in the morning.

* * *

And while on the topic of Nick, I have received a few emails from you asking how I am doing...how I am dealing with the grief. Thank you for asking. I am doing much better overall, but I still have moments where I am taken completely off-guard and can instantly dissolve into a puddle of tears. There was that night last week when I could not restrain myself from clicking over to his Facebook page, only to burst into tears, leaving Phil to mop up the emotional-mess-that-was-his-wife. Why do I do these things to myself? I don't know. What am I looking for when I do this? I don't know. But in some sad (and admittedly) almost-pathetic way, hovering over his Facebook profile and seeing some of his last status updates and picture posts are almost enough to bring me back to before this all happened, when things were "seemingly" okay. I know enough now that they never really were, but this act of visiting his Facebook page and seeing HIS written words...I feel momentarily comforted, tricked into believing that he is still here.

I love you, Little Nicky. And see? I'm still writing.

* * *

Today's Gratitude List:

1) Memories. I can experience them anytime, anyplace and anywhere.
2) My husband. I forgot my lunch today, but he remembered, reminding me at almost noon "to please remember to eat". (I know that sounds weird, but I forget to eat sometimes!)
3) 29 Gifts. Giving makes me feel grateful.

* * *

ETA: I love my husband, the man who has finally come out of hiding and decided to grace me with his presence here at Living Aloha. I love him so much that I won't even comment on his chosen username "Filthy" (as in, Filthy Phil). Niiiiice.

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29 Gifts: Day 9

A weird weather front is moving across the island and we've had spotty power for the last 6 hours, so I'm going to try and keep this post short (that would be a first!).

My gift for Day 9 is the gift of Snail Mail. In the age of instant gratification and all things electronic, I'm opting to get back to the basics and send some good old-fashioned letter love. I have always been a fan of the actual pen to paper; I love sending letters/cards to friends and family, and if I am lucky enough to receive one in return, I am a happy girl. I love the feel of the paper in my hands, the visual playground of penmanship and colorful stamps that compete with the reigning Liberty Bell.

Today I mailed a letter to my friend of 20+ years. We were kids when we met and our friendship has grown over the years, settling into the strong and loyal place it sits today. We lost touch for a handful of years right after college but she found me on Facebook a few years ago and I'm so happy to have her in my life again. What I love most about this particular friend is her committment to our friendship; always reaching out and calling. That, and the fact that even after all these years as friends, she still challenges me to think big...live big...dream big. I feel so close to her I almost forget that an ocean separates us.

* * *

Today's Gratitude List:

1) An impromptu day off work - woot woot!
2) The awesome, butt-kicking workout at the gym.
3) Dinner tonight with The Hubs and friends. Life is good.

29 Gifts: Day 8

My gift for Day 8: Anonymous Mailbox Love!

Today was a crazy busy day at work; I felt like I'd spent much of it on auto-pilot, just going through the motions and eagerly anticipating the moment I could leave and claim the remainder of the day as my own. I am aware how fortunate I am to have a job, but sometimes, the days just seem extra long, no?

I got home from work and spent some time decompressing before deciding to release Gift # 8. I wanted to have some fun with this one, so I decided to do it anonymously. I had a small, seaside-themed gel candle which I wrapped in raffia just for this occasion:

(Seriously, how cute is this? It had tiny seashells and an itty-bitty starfish at the bottom of the candle)

On the backside of the candle, I taped a piece of inspiration to keep the recipient guessing:

Then I walked out to the bank of mailboxes at the edge of the driveway to our property and placed it in our neighbor's box. We still have those charming, old-school, metal mailboxes with the red-flags that anyone can access; while I usually err on the side of privacy-paranoia, I have to admit that I love the small-town, trustworthy vibe up here. And in my attempts at being stealthy and discreet, my photo wound up blurry:

From our bedroom window, I can just-barely see the row of mailboxes and the cars pulling up beside them; when I heard a car drive up late in the afternoon, I saw our neighbor C pulling the candle from her mailbox and looking both surprised and confused. She turned the little package over in her hands, clearly looking for a clue that wasn't there.

This anonymous thing is fun. :)

Have you ever received an anonymous gift? What was it?

* * *

Today's Gratitude List:

1) Grace, our loving, little Space-Hog. She is sleeping and sprawled out on our bed in between us, monopolizing precious real-estate, while Phil & I balance precariously at either end of the bed. But we wouldn't have it any other way.
2) Blue skies and sun-shiney weather...a 180 from last night's thunder and lightning storm.
3) Wonderful friends who continue to offer their love and support during a time in my life where they know I am trying SO HARD to stay positive. Thank you Rachel, Noa, Sarah, Becki and Preema. I love you girls so much.

29 Gifts: Day 7

I wanted to post this last night, but a freak lightning storm left us without power for a couple hours and The Hubs and I got wrapped up in a candlelight Scrabble game (which I won, much to his dismay). Better late than never, though...right?

My gift for Day 7: BOOKS!

One of my goals for the new year is to declutter our home and simplify our space. That being said, I'm starting with my overflowing bookshelves and have managed to lighten the load by an entire bookshelf (and the bookshelf itself, we will be donating). The photo below is only part of the collection I donated to our local library and doesn't include a box I sent to a friend on the East Coast.

In the past, I have either sold my books online or donated them to the Salvation Army...and in both options, someone profits from it. In the spirit of giving for the greater good, I like to think that donating to the library accomplishes two things: (1) The book will continue to be shared (I love this idea) and (2) I'm doing my small part to help keep the library in business. It's really sad...two of our local libraries have had to cut costs by reducing their hours of operation and closing the library for an extra day during the week. :(

It was a simple gift, but a gift for the right reasons...or at least I think so.

* * *

And I'm curious...does anyone agree that Wally Lamb needs to write more often? I recently finished The Hour I First Believed; he is a brilliant writer and one of my favorites...but always leaves me eagerly anticipating the next!

* * *

Today's Gratitude List:

1) The thoughtful package we received from Phil's brother.
2) Our friends dog passed away; I am grateful that we were able to spend his last full day with him at the beach, playing together in the sun. :(
3) Rain. Without rain, there are no rainbows.

29 Gifts: Day 6

I will try to keep today's entry short and sweet - I am exhausted and injured, but also fulfilled and content. We spent all day at the beach with friends; my skin is sun-kissed and pink and I'm wiped out from an afternoon of beach volleyball, stand-up paddling and a wave session in a two-man outrigger canoe. I'm sore and I'm tired and ready to call it a night, but I wanted to write about today's gift.

I went a different route for today: my gift for Day 6 was the gift of Time. Imagine: you are at the beach with your friends, you are hypnotized by the rhythm of the waves crashing to shore, the crystal blue water beckons, tunes crank from the iPod docking station, cold beers fresh from the cooler are passed around and multiple activities await. Your mind and body are at ease because the day's To-Do List has only two items: Relax and Have Fun.

So in a day void of responsibilities, when hunger strikes, who wants to get stuck manning the grill in twice the heat, cooking enough food to feed 26 - that's right, TWENTY-SIX - people?

If you guessed nobody, you guessed correctly.

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So I stepped up. I spent TWO hours in front of that grill, cooking and feeding our friends. And as much as I hesitate labeling this as my gift, I'm doing it anyway, because I did it willingly, I did it with love, and I did it for Phil, who usually finds himself the appointed grill-master for everyone. This may sound selfish of me, but it brought ME joy to fill bellies with warm food, see The Hubs lounging in a beach chair with a huge smile on his face and watch our friends laugh and enjoy themselves under the island sunshine.

* * *

Today's Gratitude List:

1) Spending a January day on the beach in a bathing suit in 80+ degree weather.
2) Having an abundance of food and realizing just how fortunate we are in this regard.
3) Phil. The guy's just fun. He makes me laugh and he makes me feel loved. And he reads my blog. Every day. :)

29 Gifts: Day 5

I would like to preface this post with a caveat and dispel any preconceived notions that "giving" (or any random act of kindness, for that matter) is easy. Actually, I take that back. A random act of kindness probably IS easier, for the simple fact that it is just that: random. But I am finding that this 29 Gift project is hard!

Admittedly, I am really trying to challenge myself in each of my "gives" and perhaps that is why I am finding it difficult to maintain awareness of opportunities where I might be of service to others. For the most part, I consider myself a pretty friendly person; I smile at strangers regularly, I often hold doors open for people and I tend to wave a parade of cars in front of me when I'm driving (to a fault, because I've had impatient drivers behind me lay on the horn in my efforts to let people into traffic - sheesh). But in my quest to participate in this challenge, I don't want to rely on everyday gestures as my "gifts", because these are things I would do on any given day. So that's where I'm having trouble; I want my gifts to be purposeful, beneficial, with intent for the greater good...and creative, when they can be.

When I wake up in the mornings and start my day, I'm often praying as I'm getting ready (I know, that's pretty sad, huh? I really need to work on setting aside uninterrupted time specifically for prayer and devotion), asking God for His help in keeping my eyes, ears and heart open for opportunities to do good. I want to be especially mindful and present so that my gives don't fall rote or forced in their intent.

* * *

My gift for Day 5 was $10.

See this?

The price you pay for gasoline here on Maui. And it fluctuates nearly every day; it's been on an upward trend in the last two weeks, with predictions of hitting $5.00/gallon late this year. Awesome.

As I waited in line to pay to fill up my tank, I noticed the woman in front of me. Seemingly frazzled, she was balancing a toddler on her hip and a sippy-cup in her left hand, while counting out a handful of change with the other. "I need to get upcountry and I only have $1.74. Can I just get that much in gas? I lost my wallet." For those who are curious, depending on where exactly "upcountry" she lived, it was easily 15-20 miles from where we were. And $1.74 would only buy her fumes.

At that moment, Gift #5 presented itself. I handed the cashier a ten dollar bill and said: "Better make that $11.74". The woman turned to me with a look of relief and a flood of thanks. She gave me a hug which I gladly accepted, because HUGS ARE GOOD!

Today's Gratitude List:

1) Recent blog awards!
2) The simple joy and abundance of fresh fruit: healthy and clean eating. Today's pear was one of the best I've had in a long time!
3) Another "checking in" text from my beautiful friend, Noa (thank you, Love!)

29 Gifts: Day 4

My gift for Day 4: Active Participation.

I've asked myself many times what I could possibly do to help change the world and finally realized that I need to stop questioning and just start doing. Today I became a member of the newly launched, Love Drop community; an organization I believe has the heart to make things happen.

And I get to be a part of it!

What is Love Drop?
Love Drop is a micro-giving network of people who unite as a community to help change the lives of those in need.

Every month the Love Drop community comes together to raise as much support and awareness as we possibly can. It starts on the website - LoveDrop.us, gets spread across our entire network of blogs, continues through the forums where all our members are brainstorming, and finally lands on the front steps of our recipients. Literally.

At the end of every month, Nate and J$ show up in the town the people live in to deliver this pile of goodness. The money, the gifts, the services, everything! It's all on film, and it all ends with an amazing outpouring of love. And then it starts all over again the next month. Help them, and their flagship partner, Kona Grill, make this drop in Chicago amazing!

How you can help:
1) Become a member by donating (as little as $1 a month. Uh-huh...$12 a year).
2) Join the Blogger Network and help get the word out.
3) Give a gift or provide a service - send them an email.

* * *

January 2011's first LoveDrop recipient is Jill in Chicago, who is homeless (for the second time) after a recent house fire. Here is part of her story:

I realize that many are experiencing hard times in this economy and monetary gifts aren't necessarily feasible on limited incomes; that's ok. Spreading the word about this organization is a gift in and of itself. The change begins with us!

* I am not paid to promote this organization or site; I am just sharing my thoughts on the idea and ways that we can all help. And because you know, I'm all about spreading the love. :)

* * *

Today's Gratitude List

1) Smiles from strangers.
2) Pedicure = Frivolous purchase, but now I have Pretty Toes!
3) My Life and my own "little family". It's late and I'm blogging while The Hubs and the kitty sleep quietly beside me. My heart is full.

29 Gifts: Day 3

My intent was to post this last night, but once Phil & I got home from work yesterday, I made the spontaneous decision to just unplug. It is refreshing to do this every now and then; a nice respite from my habitual over-indulgence of the internet. We had a great night together, enjoying dinner and conversation infused with the familiar banter that drew us to one another when we were just kids. I love my husband...and I resolve to do this more often.

* * *

Quite simply, my gift for Day 3 was the gift of persistence. But first, a little history and backstory:

Have you ever found yourself in a friendship that, in the beginning, was everything you could ever want and hope for in a joining of souls? One that was fueled by an equal exchange of love, laughter, effort and time, but then somewhere down the road, they just shut down and close-up without so much as an explanation as to what went wrong?

I have a friend from as far back as middle school, who I ended up reconnecting with my freshman year of college. Having gone to different high schools, we understandably lost touch but on my very first day of college, walking into a full biology class in an intimidating, stadium-like setting, my eyes scanned the crowd for a quick deliverance only to land on her: her familiar and smiling face, waving me over to the empty seat beside her...and my heart leaped.

For four years, we were inseperable. We did everything together, from studying, shopping, road-tripping, sneaking into bars while underage (it's a rite of passage!) and spending hours in coffee shops just talking and laughing and loving being friends. Our friendship had an easy momentum that only grew with time. We saw one another through graduations, heartbreaks, jobs, a cancer-scare, weddings and eventually, her acceptance into Grad School, which inevitably meant that she would move hours away from me.

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That first year, we kept in touch with phone calls and emails, visits over the holidays and then seemingly overnight they waned, until *POOF* they were gone. It was like a messy, bad breakup and I was heartbroken. I reached out - continually - with letters, cards and emails and occasionally, she would throw me a bone; a photocard at Christmas (but no note), a casual "hi, I miss you" on Facebook, a short and cryptic email that read: "let's reconnect. i miss you, i miss US". but that was it. And every time, I responded. I sent the return messages over Facebook, I sent the return emails, and every year on her birthday, I sent cards telling her that I missed her and I was thinking about her. And I waited. And I got nothin'.

Last year, I stopped. Everything. I was torn; not only was my ego bruised and my pride wounded, but I also felt incredibly foolish. Perhaps the friendship had run its course and long ago served its purpose...why was I trying to relive the past?

But I can be stubborn sometimes. Yesterday morning, as I was looking at my calendar at the fresh, new month before me, I realized that it was her birthday. I contemplated - for all of 2 minutes - before deciding that I would try one last time (clearly, I am a glutton). So I sent an email with only 3 words: "Happy Birthday, _______".

The "gift" in all this can easily be lost in all the verbiage and emotion and I honestly can't quite say that this "gift" was directed solely to her, or if I was giving it to our past, or in the name of friendship, altogether. But it felt like the right thing to do at the time, because I couldn't NOT acknowledge her birthday while I was sitting there thinking of her. I still love her and I still miss her - that much hasn't changed.

And in this gesture, I received a gift in return.

She responded. :)

* * *

Today's Gratitude List:

1) Receving a $25 giftcard from Chris. Just because.
2) Hitting all the green lights on the way to work.
3) Receiving a text (and photo) from my Momma showing me the kitty they "adopted" (YAY!)

29 Gifts: Day 2



I "Like" Maui Humane Society on Facebook and oftentimes I will peruse the photos of cats and dogs awaiting adoption. Why I torture myself like this, I don't know, but it's along the same lines as allowing myself to sit through and watch those depressing, sob-inducing commercials put on by the ASPCA (you know which ones I'm referring to, right?). This morning, after looking through the new weekly photos of patient souls waiting to be loved, I lost it.

So my gift for Day 2 was a financial contribution to the Maui Humane Society. This non-profit corporation has always hovered near the top of our list of charitable organizations that we choose to support; given the limited resources we have on such a small island, this particular chapter relies heavily on community donations to fund daily operations and ongoing education and adoption programs.

Phil and I realize that there are scores of other charities we can support and while we do have our long-standing relationships with some, we share a mutual, unspoken agreement that our favor lies with animals in need. I suppose it is fair to say that we might feel differently if we had never adopted Grace from the Humane Society eight years ago, but for now, this works...for us.

I have written a post about MHS before; I can't reiterate enough how grateful I am for their mission and for the staff of volunteers who work tirelessly in their efforts to find healthy, loving homes for the countless animals in their shelter.

If I could save them and adopt them all, I would. But I can't, so for now donations will have to suffice. We're just trying to do our small part to spread the love. To people and animals, alike.

* * *

Today's Gratitude List:

1) Being employed = Ability to make donations.
2) The thoughtful email I received this morning from my friend Sarah (I love you!).
3) Waking up to soft kisses on my cheeks and nose from The Hubs, opening my eyes to see his smiling face and hearing him say: "Good Morning, Love."

29 Gifts: Day 1

The day that I found out Nick passed away, I had just finished reading 29 Gifts: How a Month of Giving Can Change Your Life. I wasn't more than half way through this book when I knew that it was something I wanted to do (if you haven't already, I highly recommend reading it).

Of course, this idea fell to the wayside when my Poppa called me with the news about Nick and my thoughts had become entirely consumed in grief. But still, in the days that followed and even in my darkest hours, there were moments when, like a candle struggling to shine in the breezy, ebony of night, the premise of the book would come to mind, flickering like a tiny beacon of hope.

Today marked 34 days since Nick left us and I'm ready to put these thoughts into action. I know in my heart that if I spent more time thinking about others and less time thinking about myself and my own strife, I'd be a happier person. I am not looking to make any grand gestures that will change the world or prompt some type of global movement, but what I do hope to accomplish if at all possible, is to contribute something - anything - that could improve or change MY world and the lives in it, for the better.

* * *

The 29 Gifts do not necessarily have to be monetary gifts, but rather selfless acts (for the greater good) given with intent. This is a bit of an oxymoron for me, because really, no act is truly selfless. It is nearly impossible to give something without receiving something in return; not necessarily by way of a physical or tangible gift, but something as simple as a sense of gratitude (or joy). I could wax philosophical on this for days, but to gain a true understanding behind this book, you just need to read it...or at the very least, visit the website.

Because I deeply believe that there is a purposeful synchronicity to my reading this book and Nick's passing, I dedicated Day 1 of 29 Gifts to him.

I have a growing seashell collection that has taken residence on the deep window sill of my little art studio. On this ledge, I have mason jars filled with seashells I have painstakingly collected over the last 10 years, many which are rooted with sentimental value in the memories each jar represents. I have always considered these shells as gifts from the sea to me, but deep contemplation coupled with the spirit of this book tell me otherwise.

I took a solo trip to a beach in Makena, armed with a large ziploc bag filled with hundreds of tiny shells. I found a secluded area hugging a graduating wall of black lava rocks, sat down near the shoreline and spent time in quiet reflection. I thought lovingly of Nick. I cried. I prayed.

I emptied my bag of seashells onto the bed of sand beneath me and using a handful of these shells, I spelled Nick's name and said one last goodbye. And I waited out the ebb and flow; I waited until the gentle waves grew closer to me, where they would eventually reach my collection, withdraw and take the seashells with them:

My gift for Day 1? I gave the shells back to the sea.

Because they never really belonged to me in the first place.

* * *

Today's Gratitude List:

1) The love, health and safety of my family.
2) Another double-rainbow.
3) Random "checking-in" texts/emails from my LJ Girls Rachel & Laura.

Clean Slate

Hau'oli Makahiki Hou (Happy New Year)!

Like many of you have already done, I'd hoped to post a photographic Year-in-Review, but my anal-retentive (such a terrible word, agreed?) tendencies have me washing my hands of this idea simply because I am already two days late. So I won't. Besides, a delayed recap isn't exactly cohesive with the theme of this post, right?

Wow. Twenty-Eleven. A new year, a fresh start, a clean slate. If you are anything like me, a new beginning fills you with excitement and anticipation; that wonderful feeling of renewal, much like the enthusiasm I felt as a student in those first few days of September at the start of a new school year. A new beginning so representative of new opportunities waiting to be unearthed, so many dreams waiting to be fulfilled, so many new experiences to be had. So much potential.

If I have but one wish for the new year, it would be this: To Live. To live with intention and with purpose. To maximize each day. To make each moment count. I'm not naive enough to think this will come easily, but I know enough that I'm going to try.

* * *

It rained upcountry today, so we drove into town for a temporary escape from the clouds and spent the day at the beach. I soaked up some much-needed Vitamin D, napped in the sun and spent the afternoon laughing with The Hubs and one of my closest girlfriends.

And then we came home to this:

A double-rainbow.

Twice the luck.

2011 is going to be a good year. I can feel it.

* * *