Yesterday was one of those days when I just knew that I wasn't at my best. It was the kind of day that, despite outward appearances of Happy and Good, somewhere underneath it all, I felt like my heart could use a good scrubbing.
Yesterday, I felt like a total fraud. I went about my day wearing my "Sales Face", smiling when I was supposed to and exuding unmistakeable happiness when inside, I was feeling anything but. Instead, I was impatient, annoyed, irritable and unkind. And I was feeling (shamefully) vindictive towards the driver who almost ran me over in the crosswalk and then minutes later, the woman at the the Post Office who, right before she entered, turned around, made eye contact with me, waltzed on in and then let the door shut right in my face. Well, not literally, but close enough, considering I was only three steps behind her. Awesome. Thanks so much.
I try not to sweat the small stuff, but some days, my patience is worn thin and I know I am being tested. On these days, trying to see past the negative is more difficult than ever and momentary satisfaction is achieved only when I allow myself to say not-so-kind-things under my breath that are neither true nor called for. I don't like this about myself, because it is not an accurate reflection of who I am at the core of my being.
I know I'm not alone in this, because I am human and I am flawed. And despite my shortcomings, I know that God still loves a girl like me; a girl and all her sinful ways. This realization alone is enough to make me want to do better, because I know that I can.
When I read Proverbs 31, I often feel painfully inferior, because this Godly woman is everything I strive to be and most of which I am not. I may never be exactly what she is, but I can still try to hold myself to a higher standard and become that instrument of peace. I can be a better wife to my husband - a man who works so hard and loves so big. I can be a better daughter, sister, auntie and friend.
I want to be a better person today than I was yesterday.
I know I can do better.
I love the way you write... I think we can all be a little better, but most people are too afraid to admit it. I love your honestly, Angie! You make me happy :)
ReplyDeleteAw, this post really blessed me. Truly a great reminder as well. I've been tested one too many times, and yet I still fail most of the time perhaps. Having patience and practicing patience is no easy feat. Knowing that God still loves us regardless gives me that sense of security and comfort that gets me thinking, "hey, i can get up and try again." :)
ReplyDeleteHave a blessed week, Angie! x
i want to be a better person too. I think I'll be more aware of how I act today, thank you angie :)
ReplyDeleteAw you will be girl! We all have days from time to time, like you had yesterday. The important thing is you acknowledge it and the positive energy will come back to you! xox
ReplyDeleteoh sweetie we ALL have our bad days. Sending you a gazillion comforting hugs!!! Love you always :) xoxooxox Noa
ReplyDeleteSo that same woman at the post office, I think was in front of me at Target yesterday...I will spare you the details of what she did and what I said in reply, but pretty sure it was the same one.
ReplyDeleteEmily at Amazing Grapes
...Another way we are so alike. Things like doors being slammed in my face really affect me. As much as I try to cherish the little things in life it is different "little things" that seem to tear me down the most. I, too, can be better!
ReplyDeleteThere are days....and we all have them! Your post was thoughtful and thought provoking. you're made of awesome!
ReplyDeleteAngie, the way you put your thoughts together is so beautiful.I have those days to. It's best when you recognize it and that makes you the wonderful person you are. I hope your week is getting better!
ReplyDeleteWe think a lot alike. I was just saying last week how I try to wake up each day and be a better person than I was the day before. I love the idea of being an instrument of peace. I am sure you have heard this prayer, but here it is again anyway. It's one of my favorites. xo.
ReplyDeletePrayer of Saint Francis of Assisi
Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.
Where there is hatred, let me sow love;
where there is injury,pardon;
where there is doubt, faith;
where there is despair, hope;
where there is darkness, light;
and where there is sadness, joy.
O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek
to be consoled as to console;
to be understood as to understand;
to be loved as to love.
For it is in giving that we receive;
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned;
and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life. Amen
this post spoke right to the core of me. i have felt this way so often these days--like i am failing horribly and i've just been in kind of a funk.
ReplyDeletebut this, this was so refreshing and encouraging to read and just made me realize that our God is a God of second chances. we can always be made new.
thank you for your honesty, miss angie. you are truly an instrument of Christ.
i hope today felt like a fresh start for you. :)
i love this, angie! praise God for His beautiful grace!!! <3
ReplyDeleteI feel like I can do better most days too. :)These last few days I've been working on my critical nature, which is all too easy to ignore if I don't recognize each an every internal thought before it comes out of my mouth. I think the fact that you have a great sense of self-awareness speaks volumes of your good intentions, your sweet heart, and your ability to do nothing but grow better and more inwardly beautiful every day! :) You rock!
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