Monday, May 30, 2011

Six Months

I've only a couple of hours until the stroke of midnight and Memorial Day is tucked away for another year, but it is important for me to write tonight. For posterity's sake.

I wanted to publicly thank all members of the armed forces; for those who serve (or have served) our country, including members of my own family: my late Grandfather, my uncle, my cousin and my little brother. I salute all the brave men and women--past and present-- who put themselves in harm's way, who fight and protect our nation and who do this with strength, honor and integrity. Thank you for all that you do.

* * *

And appropriately coinciding with Memorial Day, today marks the 6-month anniversary since my little brother's death.

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Six Months.

My mind argues that this is a significant stretch of time, but my heart tells me otherwise. There are days when the wounds feel as fresh and as raw as they did on November 30th, 2010. It still hurts, but every day, I continue to heal. My grief has taught me a great deal about myself and the strength I did not know I posessed; there is a clarity to my perspective on life - my resolve to Carpe Diem and to live with intent and purpose. And despite my rose-colored glasses and this dusting-of-sugar on an otherwise painful chapter of Life, I assure you that I am human. There are moments when I feel defeat. Random moments throughout any give day when my shoulders sag, my throat tightens and a sob rises from deep within my chest.

This pain and emotion...it is real and it reminds me that I am alive. But it is also beautiful, because it is a testament to the very person that Nick was and the beautiful spirit that he is.

Six Months.

* * *

I Love you and miss you, Nicky.

15 comments:

  1. I can't imagine your heartache and the flashing memories you must have on a daily basis. My heart hurts just thinking about what that must feel like for you. I hope that each and every day gets even a fraction lighter for you and your family. Embracing life and the rest of your loved ones sounds like the best way to cope and I admire your strength. Take good care, Angie. Hugs from way over here!

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  2. I remember reading about him and your strength when it happened and I see that you are so strong still as your heart mends. I'm sure that in 6 years...you will be dealing in much the same way as today. Sharing the memories and realizing that life is for living fully! Hugs to you!

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  3. Awww Angie... wow. Six months already? I know this is a symbolic day for you, and it will be hard. Much love and thoughts going out to you today...

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  4. I'm so sorry to hear about your brother. Sending out my love and positive thoughts to you and your family. :)

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  5. This is a beautiful post and one that is honoring of your brother and all military personnel. I know the grief that comes with losing a beloved dad, but I can not imagine what it's like to lose a sibling.

    I think it's great you celebrate the good days and acknowledge the sad. And six months is nothing! When my dad had only been gone six months I still felt like a hot mess. Grief is messy, hard and long.

    Thankfully we have hope in Christ. That is probably the only thing that gets me through!

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  6. Oh girl, I'm sorry about your brother. You two look so much alike.

    I can't even imagine how much pain you and your family went through.
    I'm glad you're doing better with each day, gaining strength and clarity you might not have been given without the tremendous loss.

    I hope you have a good day of memories. :)

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  7. You're post was wonderful and very difficult to read. I also have a little brother and honestly I can't even imagine. Many good thoughts to you, my friend.

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  8. I know how terribly hard these anniversaries are. Thoughts and prayers your way!

    ~Tiffany

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  9. Six months...you are in my thoughts sweet Angie.

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  10. You are in my thoughts and prayers for comfort, sweet friend. They say time heals all wounds and I truly hope that yours are at least in the process, although I dont know if they can ever be truly "healed." I hope you are having a good day today.

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  11. Thinking of you my sweet friend...

    You are amazing and so strong!

    xoxo

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  12. "This pain and emotion...it is real and it reminds me that I am alive. But it is also beautiful, because it is a testament to the very person that Nick was and the beautiful spirit that he is."

    so much TRUTH, angie! powerful stuff.

    sending love your way, and wide-armed hugs that cross the little ocean from me to you. i know what's it's like to have someone you love commit suicide (my dad) and i'll hold some space for you this week.

    k

    (www.theirdaughter.com)

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  13. This post is so powerful and so beautiful, even though I can feel your pain and sadness. Your brother sounds like he was an amazing person, and you write about him so eloquently. Loss like this does remind us that we are alive, that we have to enjoy every second we are given. Hugs to you!

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  14. Still so sorry for your loss... Thinking of you Angie!

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  15. Oh! :( How terrible! I am sorry to hear about this and I am keeping your family in my prayers. How awful to lose a sibling at such a young age (or any age, for that matter).

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